It takes alot of explaining

My friend, who is my former Chinese handler, is an English major.  He left work with my company to work at a translation company.  I have posted pictures of the austere communist era office park where he works in Hefei.

Since I arrived in China, he has often sent me text messages using the Chinese instant messenger program called QQ.  It is very similar to facebook's messenger system.

He often asks me to explain words that he cannot understand.  I find it very interesting how words and concepts that we are familiar with in America take a long to to explain to a Chinese person, even one who speaks very good english.

This evening, I had a ten minute IM chat with him about the word Chaperone.  The concept makes sense to me, but he thought it was some sort of teaching position.  I explained that Chaperones ensure that younger adults behave properly at places like high school dances.  Eventually he got it.

The Chinese language is in many respects much more complex than English.  The pronunciation of Mandarin is perhaps the most difficult part of learning the language.

In addition, there are many words that have exactly the same pronunciation but have different meaning depending upon the context in which the word is used.  For example, there are about 6 different words that are pronounced "Mei".  The meaning ranges from a negative participle to the word for "enzyme".

English is also a very complex and rich language.  However, the basic structure of the language is alot easier to learn than Chinese.

Today I got a message from my friend to explain the difference between a note, a letter and a memo.  The joy never ceases.

Belgian Bar and a Giant Pot Bellied Pig

Today I needed to go out and about.  It gets particularly tedious being around a school, in a shoddy little apartment.  So I picked a place and went out.

It is kind of draining to go anywhere that is beyond walking distance.  I have only been on a few bus rides, because I have no idea what the bus lines are.  I usually take taxis everywhere,  They cost around 1.oo USD for the first mile or so, and are pretty cheap.  I took a 45 minute ride for around 15.00 USD.

The taxis are cheap, but the cost of them adds up over time.  That 45 minute cab ride could also have been 30 bowls of noodles.

Wuhan really is a big city.  There are three main districts: Wuchan, Hankou, and Hanyang.  Hankou is the business center and is where I teach at the private school.  I live in Hanyang.

It takes quite a while to go from one side of Wuhan to the other.  There are multiple centers to the city, and it sprawls out in globs of high rises.

Today for my jaunt I chose to go to a Belgian Beer Garden.  Online, it's menu included Carbonnade, which is a delicious sort of flemish beer stew.  It is one of my favorite dishes.  The online menu also promised home brewed drafts.  How could I resist?

So I hopped in a taxi, and after a little explaining and use of my iPad's mapping features, I explained to the driver where I was going.

He dropped me off near the restaurant, which is on the shore of a small lake park.  Wuhan has alot of small lakes and ponds.  The Chinese call all of these lakes, but they are really large ponds, in my opinion.

While walking through the park, I came across a very well fed pot bellied pig.  His proud owner was deep in explaining the intricacies of his dear pet to passerby.  I asked him "Nide Jiu?" Which translates as "Is that your pig?" He nodded and said I was correct.

The Belgian restaurant was really more of a pub.  It had a great selection of beers, including Guinness on tap and several Belgian and French beers.  I was in heaven with a Red Chimay, followed by a Guinness.

Unfortunately, the menu did not include Carbonnade.  I talked to the owner, who is also the barkeep, about Carbonnade.  We compared recipes.  He, being belgian, was quite insistent that his way of making Carbonnade was better.  I explained that rather than leaving a piece of bread on the stew, it is better to brown some flour on the beef before you add stock and beer.  I suggested that my way was more conducive to making a  roux.

Alas, the restaurant only had some pizza, burgers and salads for food.  I had a pepperoni pizza, which was disappointing even by pub standards.  But the beer was very very good.

It was fun to watch some satellite TV from the UK.

Wuhan is a godo enough city.  I will probably be back there because I don't know where else to get draft guinness.

A hefty little pet pig.  The wierdest pet I have seen was a pet macaque in Shanghai.  Imagine a monkey on a leash walking through downtown, by a well dressed chinese man.

Wuhan has alot of ponds and alot of high rises.

A nice little park.

The Belgian Bar in Wuhan.

I am now at least XXXL Size!

The basic laws of the universe must have shifted, because I am now too big to fit into XXXL size blue jeans.  

I am not sure when this sea change occurred, but at some point in the recent days, I went from a svelte 36 waist to being too big to fit into XXXL.

Of course, this is because I am trying to fit into Chinese size XXXL blue jeans.  Haha! For a moment, my gentle reader, I am sure you must have thought that JMB had put on some pounds perhaps?

The other day, I decided I needed some more casual attire.  I have plenty of nice brooks brothers pants, with pleats and such.  These pants are fine for the work week.  However, I only have two pairs of pants that I can wear "out and about".

My two casual pants are a pair of army style BDU's (one from an army surplus and the other from EMS).  

Therefore, I wanted to get another pair of pants.  However, I am a giant among petite Chinese people.  My giant American frame does not fit into the confine of even a XXXL size jean!  The legs were skin tight on me.  

I bought the pants at Walmart.  In China, there are no changing rooms at the Walmat, therefore, I had to trek back to my apartment, only to find to my horror that my mass has expanded a great deal since last I paid attention to such things.

I promptly returned the pants to the Walmart.  I think they actually do alterations, because the woman at the customer service desk at first emerged with a tailors cloth ruler to measure me for alterations to the tiny XXXL blue jeans.  

I said "Maeyo! Ni Ge Qian!" shaking my head and pointing to my receipt.

You will be pleased to know that I was refunded the full amount of 129 RMB (about 20 USD) for the price of these rather flashy designer jeans.

Trying to angle a new gig

I had two phone interview over the past couple of days.  They were both for law type positions.  The prospect of leaving my teaching job to make big bucks in China as a lawyer were giving me sugar plum fairy dreams of money and excitement.

I have found that the best way to relieve anxiety that I am experiencing is to fantasize about large amounts of cash.  I have a persistent fantasy about 10 Million dollars in cash.  I mentally think about how I will deposit it, pay taxes on it, then commence to spending it.

I have decided that I want to raise Rhodesian Ridgebacks.  My expenditure of money is in many ways tangential to the raising of Rhodesian Ridgebacks.

For example, I would, by necessity, have to own alot of land for the Ridgebacks to romp around.  Therefore, I think about a big house on alot of land.

For me to take the Ridgebacks around town, I would need a large vehicle.  I think about buying a new Mercedes G-Wagon like the one I used to drive around.  It has ample headroom and a great feature in the horizontally mounted rear hatch.  Great for loading and unloading Ridgebacks.

I know it would be hard to take care of Ridgebacks, so I think about giving instructions to people to take care of them when I go jet setting with my 10 Million dollars.

Oddly, I have no names for these fantasy dogs.  I can see them, but they don't have names.

Unfortunately, my fantasy will not be obtained from either of the jobs I got calls about.

One of the positions is with a Chinese law firm near Shanghai.  The main problem is that pay for this job is only 7000 RMB a month.  That equals about 1,000 USD a month, which would be a pretty severe pay cut for me.  I presently earn more than that and don't have to pay for housing.  I also get alot of free meals from the school and from co-workers.  I told this firm that I would contact them when I get closer to the end of my contract.  It sounds like a great experience, but the financial issue is too great.

The other position ended up being a person who was really looking to hire a US lawyer to help him pursue a claim.  I won't go into details, but I am leery about leaving my job and moving so that I can work for an individual.  Any significant pay would be contingent upon recovery of a judgment.  My experience is that such matters often do not work out as hoped.  He is also nice, and I am hoping to leave things open with him.

So, I was pretty excited about jumping ship from my present gig.  I had my dreams of raising big africanized dogs and such.

I have another call today with a person who might help me get a better paying teaching job in Shanghai. He seems like kind of a dweeb.  I emailed the company, then got an automated response.  Several days later, he emailed me and said he had emailed me, but hadn't heard back from me.  I checked, and he never sent me an email.

I actually make more money that most of the Chinese I work with.  It is pretty weird. I make about 3 times more than my Chinese handler assistant.  She is alot younger, so I really don't feel too bad.  Younger people should earn less than older people.  Makes sense to me.

It is kind of scary that I make more than someone working at a law firm in China.  It goes to show how the legal field in this country is not like it's American counter part.

Next week I start to give my lectures about America again.  I am doing a lecture about American Indians, US Immigrants, and a variety of other topics geared towards dispelling the grave misapprehensions that Chinese have of the USA.

Best Eats in Town

I like Chinese food.  I also enjoy meat on a stick sold by muslim dudes.  However, the best meal I have had is at the golden arches.  By that, I mean Mac Donalds.  It is so tasty.  It is also cheaper than the USA.  I usually get two big macs, large fry and a large coke for around 6.50 USD or 39 RMB.

Mac Donalds in China has more chicken sandwichs, specifically a spicy chicken sandwich which is quite good.  Their main competition here is KFC, and therefore you can also get a big bucket of chicken parts deep fried.

Instead of the ubiquitous apple or cherry pie at an American Mac Donalds, here you get a tasty bean pie and another that is some kind of fruit.  I haven't tried either because I like to eat American classic cuisine when I eat my Mac Donalds.

You may say that I have no taste, but I disagree.  I get alot of protein and fat when I eat there.  I can eat as Mac Donalds as my main daily meal, and then eat some bread and noodles at other times.

They play some craptaculous music at Mac Donalds in China.  They are still playing Christmas songs.  It is almost March, and they played the Christmas song by that guy from Wham (George Michael or something).  I wonder if it is to make me go there less.   They are trying to conserve burgers by making me uncomfortable.

In keeping with the trend of things in China, there are bones in the food at Mac Donalds: In the fried chicken.  Chinese food really does have more bones.

Here are some pictures:

Hello Kitty toys.

I get the picture menu, because my Chinese language skills are lacking.

Note the predominance of chicken and the odd bean pie in the center.  Below is the mega chicken meal that gets you two cokes.

Delicious fried chicken at McDonalds.

This is my daily dose of deliciousness: two spicy chicken sanmmiches, large fry and a large coke.

Chinese Wedding

My second day down on the farm, I woke up to loud gongs, drums and a barrage of explosions.  I rolled over and hoped that it was a dream.

I was told to get up and come down for breakfast.

After I brushed my teeth, we went outside to sit at tables again.  This time there were maybe 50-60 people and we were under a tent.

I was poured a glass of Baijiu.  Normally, my consumption of Baijiu is exclusively something done in the evening time, but since this was a wedding and everyone was eagerly toasting, I succumbed to the charms of that wily seductress Baijiu.

It was like 8:00 AM.

My friend took my cup and poured half the glass into another guests cup.  My new Chinese friend (my teacher friends uncle) promptly laughed and proceeded to fill my cup back up.  He was not going to allow me to avoid drinking that sweet lady Baijiu.

We again had about 10 dishes.  These included some sweet potato dumplings and some friend sweet potato pancake like things that had lotus root and pork in them.  Very tasty.

My cup of Baijiu was soon empty.  I did not ask for another.

The bride and groom then appeared carrying a tray of tea cups.  This is part of a tradition where the new couple bring tea to the elder family members.  First though, they proceeded through the throng.  Many relatives jumped up to congratulate them and hand them wads of money.  I spied some hefty wads of cash being given to the groom.

All the while, there were short barrages of fireworks going off amid the incessant din of gongs and drums.

One of the gong beaters had on a green army coat with shiny gold buttons.  He looked quite spiffy.  The gong players and drummer kept a pretty remarkable rhythm, considering that that did it for about an hour.  One of the gong players somehow managed to have a cigarette in his mouth, despite never seeming to have stopped playing.

The newlyweds made there way into the grandparents house.  They stayed there for a bit.

My friend told me that the fireworks initially were to ward off evil ghosts, but now that the couple was meeting the elders, the fireworks were to remind them to get a move on.

The couple eventually left the grandparents house.  The bride had a red parasol.  I thought this was part of the ritual, but later I was told that it was because it was raining.

After the couple, various relatives followed them carrying a TV, pillows, floral arrangements, some furniture and various sundries.  They put these gifts on a big flat bed truck that had backed up to the gate of the driveway.

After another long cannonade of pyrotechnics, the couple departed in a procession of alternating white and black cars.  Each had a pink ribbon over its chase.  All were the same make and model.

I am not sure, but I assume that what I witnessed was only a part of the whole marriage process.  I am told there are various other rituals and ceremonial stuff that goes on.

I did not take any pictures, because I didn't want to make anyone skittish.  It was an interesting experience, in some ways more preferable to the longer western weddings. Anyway, it was neat to see.

Farm Living in Hubei (Pt. 2)

So after my Baijiu induced nap, my friend, her husband, and another teacher who was visiting relatives nearby went to an underground fall out shelter nearby.

Rural China is very different than similar areas in the USA.  The area I drove through had a very different feel than driving through farm land in the USA.

We passed through some small ville's.  It seems like towns are different outside of bigger settlements.

After a short drive, we came to what is either a provincial or national historic park.  It had big brown and white signs, like those used in the USA to designate a national or state park.

Pulling up to the parking area, I spied a guard post and what I perceived to be a machine gun toting guard.  For a second I was a little worried.

The guard was actually made of some kind of plaster.  Pictures are below.

I suppose the park designers wanted to impress upon visitors that this area was, in fact, a top secret compound back during the time when it was in regular use.

We bought tickets and proceeded into the 131 Engineering Corp. underground fallout shelter complex.

Entering, you first walk into a round chamber with a huge metal wheel on the floor.  The wheel is there so entering trucks can easily be turned around so they wont have to use reverse.

The tunnel went several hundred yards into the rocky hillside.  It was lit with light sconces that were somewhat art deco in appearance.

There were several passages that branched off, which were not lit at all.  I used the flashlight on my blackberry to illuminate the side chambers.  There were huge foot think cast iron doors and various choke points where defenders could make a stand.

Down a couple passages, we started to come upon what appeared to be offices.  Some had marble floors.  There were larger ones that had wooden floors and spacious bathrooms

There were adjoining offices for Mr. and Mrs. Mao.  Mrs. Mao's office batroom was complete with a bidet.  Both bathrooms had a full bathtub.  In Mrs. Mao's office was a huge picture of her with Richard Nixon.

I wandered off into several side passages and found rather extensive generation and ventilation systems.  After a while, the passage stopped being lit and it appeared like the tunnel was not being preserved.  At that point we turned around and headed back to the surface.

We went back to my friends house and had dinner.  Dinner was also eaten on tables outside.  It was kind of cold.  For dinner there were only about 15-20 people.  There were alot of people coming and going to say hi and eat a plate of food.  Alot of grandchildren and nephews showed up and wandered around.

Shortly thereafter, we went to a nearby hot spring.  First I bought a new bathing suit for about 2 dollars.  One of the teachers I was with also bought a bathing suit.

The hot springs were built on a pretty large scale.  We entered a giant building, then changed in the locker room.  After a shower, me and my friends brother dashed out to the nearest warm pool.

The others joined us, and we walked around a sort of circuit of different temperature pools.  Each pool purported to have different essential oils in it, but I could detect no difference between pools except that some were warmer than others.  We were there for an hour or so.  It was very relaxing.  After we had our fill of soaking, I took a short steam bath which was great.

Then we went back to the house where I pretty quickly fell asleep.

Below are some pictures of the underground bunker.

Engineering Corp. 131 Underground Bunker Complex.

Comrade, I am concerned you have strayed from the path of Lenin!

Great fixtures....

Mrs. Mao's bidet.  How French!

Mao's bathtube.

In Mao's underground office.

Secret attack plans they left up on a wall... not!

Mrs. Mao sitting with tricky Dick Nixon.

Mao's portrait above all of his generals.

Long passages into solid rock.

Hehehe!

Thank you Comrade!